Crack Chronicles 4: Valentine's Day
by Turn Back Now
Summary: Warning: This story majorly sucks, read at your own risk. Deidara, Hidan, Sapphira, and Amethystte again, this time on Valentine's Day. Fun fun. Contains yaoi and insane people! -Gasp- I repeat, read at your own risk.


**Hey guys! Happy Valentine's Day! :D This is Amethystte, as usual. I for one am extremely surprised and slightly confused as to why you guys aren't sick of me yet, but I'll take what I'm getting.**

**So, it's Valentine's Day, and I'm spending it alone. I spent all day yesterday crying over the fact that nobody loves me, but I'm over it now. Kinda. I got my imagination and you lovely reviewers and best friends, and that's all I need 'cause Valentine's Day is actually a scam by the government to increase the population and make money, and to kill off the useless by making the depressed commit suicide from loneliness.**

**Anyway, I don't own Naruto, Sapphira, and Amethystte owns my freakin' ass. -.- I lost a bet to my sanity, okay? Just go on with the story.**

Hidan rolled over the edge of his bed in his sleep, swearing loudly when he hit the ground.

"Shaddup, un… Too early…" The blond, Deidara, in the other bed three feet away groaned, pulling the covers over his head. Suddenly, his eyes shot open. "SHIT!" He realized what day it was, sitting up at lightning speed and scaring the crap out of his silver haired friend. "It's Valentine's Day!" He yelled, panicking.

Hidan froze. "Fucking hell!" He cried, grabbing fistfuls of his hair and running around in circles. "They're going to be down here any second now! We're fucking doomed! DOOMED I SAY!"

As if on cue, the door to the basement slammed open and down the stairs came two blurs of blue and purple.

Sapphira, the one with the blue hair obviously, immediately glomped the Jashinist and ended up straddling him on the pink fuzzy carpet. "Happy Valentine's Day Hida-kun." She blushed.

Then Hidan noticed that she was wearing a royal blue playboy bunny outfit, _with_ the ears included. **(AN: I'm sorry Goody, your new profile pic burned that image into my brain. Just **_**had**_** to add that.) **The first thing that came to his mind was, _'That is one damn sexy psycho.'_

While Amethystte somehow ended up on top of Deidara, the blond also noticed that the brunette was wearing a similar purple costume, but instead of a bunny, she was a cat. Weird how that always turned out, her being referred to as a kitten… Anyway, plus the fact that Amethystte had decided that a collar and a leash would be absolutely necessary as well, and Deidara just about had a nosebleed. "Good morning." She sang, smiling at him innocently.

"On second thought, doom isn't that bad." Hidan mumbled, not taking his eyes off of the bluenette.

The girls giggled and stood up, getting off of the guys. "Aww…" They groaned in disappointment.

"Heh heh, no. Not a chance you're getting this sweetie." Amethystte slapped her ass, winking at the two.

Sapphira pulled a cherry lollipop out of nowhere and licked it seductively and making Hidan drool, and without even realizing it.

Amethystte noticed the way the Jashinist was staring at her best friend and swung her leg up, connecting her foot squarely with his jaw. "And _you're_ not getting _that_ either!" She shouted protectively. Even though she was the youngest, she was actually the most mature. Both in the responsible way and the other 'mature' way that includes an X rating on 95% of her thoughts.

The bluenette blinked and tilted her head to the side cutely. "What Ame-kitty-chan mean?" She asked childishly.

"I'm not giving you another sex talk Sapphira, honey." She said absently, growling at Hidan as if she could read his perverted mind.

"Oh."

Deidara felt left out all of the sudden. "How come I've only had three lines so far, un?" He asked the authoress, pouting cutely.

"Because you're the least important of all the characters here." She answered from the ceiling.

Sapphira freaked out. "HOLY CRAP THERE'S A TALKING CAT IN THE CEILING!" She screamed, chucking a plastic chair in the general direction of the voice.

The chair hit the authoress on the forehead and knocked her out immediately, sending her falling through the ceiling and onto the floor.

"Fuck…" Deidara murmured.

A girl with a blue mask and auburn hair burst through the door, pointed a silver device at everyone, which flashed a bright red light at them, and ran out of the room, carrying the authoress over her shoulder and magically fixing the ceiling through sheer willpower. **(AN: Cookies to whoever guesses who **_**that**_** was.) **Everyone suddenly forgot everything that happened in the last three and a half minutes.

"What the…" Deidara said, unsuccessfully trying to recall what the hell had just happened.

That strange occurrence aside, the rest of the morning went well, the girls being irritating, sadistic, obsessive, and insane as they usually were, besides the fact that they were unusually nice to the guys for some reason.

Watching TV at around 11 AM, Sapphira decided to sit on Deidara's lap, since it was probably safer that Hidan's, seeing as the blond was terrified of Amethystte, who was way too overly protective of the bluenette, especially on Valentine's Day.

Then, Beyond the ferret happened to walk into the living room, heading for Amethystte right away.

"Sorry, not getting lucky today." She said, tossing his across the room with her foot.

"Aw, why can't you just give him a chance for once?" Sapphira asked, picking him up and cuddling him.

Amethystte looked at her. "Sapphira, sweetie, he's a ferret." She said slowly.

"What's your point?"

"… Never mind…"

Four hours later, the girls had convinced Deidara and Hidan that they should all go to the park, even though in the back of Deidara's mind, he was slightly worried that the girls would get arrested (again) for public indecency. But then he shied those worries away when he realized that Amethystte would most likely say something like 'I owe you' like she always did, and, seeing as it was Valentine's Day after all…

_BAM_

"Quit thinking out loud Deidara." She said as he rubbed his sore head.

Sapphira held a smug Hidan's hand as they walked out of the house, and Amethystte was clinging onto a happy -albeit a tad scared- Deidara's arm.

Passing an ice cream stand, in was inevitable that the girls would demand a frozen dairy treat. Sapphira got a chocolate/coffee flavored one, and since the guy at the stand was out of cookie dough ice cream, the only thing left for her to choose was orange sherbert, since apparently, according to xXGoody Not-So-Great MeXx; Vitamin C makes the world go round, bitches.

Sitting on the park bench at happily licking their ice creams, the girls spontaneously decided through some sort of mental telepathic connection that they wanted to watch yaoi, so they devised a plan through that same telepathic communication which involved seagulls, video cameras, and patience, which unfortunately, Sapphira lacked. Thankfully for that part, however, Amethystte had pulled a circular piece of paper out of absolutely nowhere and told the bluenette to find how many corners it had. That kept her busy for long enough during the boring parts.

Long story short, Amethystte and Sapphira were sitting in a tree by the bench, the former videotaping the boys' every move, and the latter still utterly confused by the circular piece of paper.

The Valentine's Day romance and hormones in the air did it's work soon enough, and both boys were soon moving closer and closer to each other, all but forgetting about Sapphira and Amethystte.

"Sapphira! Sapphira!" Amethystte hissed as Deidara blushed at something the Jashinist said.

The bluenette grinned from ear to ear when Hidan decided to plant a little kiss on the blonde's cheek. The rest just followed through. They strained to hear what they were saying.

"But Hidan," Deidara whined, "We're in public, un."

"Oh relax, ya wuss. If anyone even dares to say anything, I'll sacrifice their fucking ass to Jashin-sama, so calm down, will ya?" He laughed, kissing him on the cheek again. Deidara blushed in an extremely uke-ish way before kissing him back on the lips, which turned into a full makeout session while Amethystte videotaped from the tree.

"Isn't it weird that we're totally okay with and even encourage our sort-of boyfriends making out with each other and doing all that other stuff they think we can't hear in the middle of the night?" Sapphira had one of her random intelligent moments.

Amethystte didn't even hesitate to answer. "No, we're perfectly normal innocent little girls with absolutely no problems whatsoever, now be quiet for a minute, I wanna see what they do when the old ladies start to stare." She said.

Turns out, Hidan's response was to flip said old little ladies off and Deidara's was too pelt bits of playdoh at the birds surrounding those very same little old ladies, and somehow, the playdoh exploded. 'Twas a very strange thing.

Anyway, once the girls had satisfied their yaoi craving, they hopped down from the tree and reappeared, enjoying the nervous looks on Hidan and Deidara's faces when they caught them in the middle of the Jashinist kissing the blonde's neck.

"Let's go home now, un." Deidara said, his whole face a shade of red that could shame Gaara of the Desert's hair.

Due to a rather large spider crawling on the sidewalk in front of the four's path, Hidan and Deidara had to carry the girls all the rest of the way home, where Amethystte made heart shaped sammiches for them all and put the video of the guys on the internet, where a group of her fellow yaoi fangirls squealed in excitement as soon as they watched it. The rest of that day included several games of Go Fish, Spin the Bottle, and an attempted game of Pin the Tail on Hidan, which resulted in Sapphira being sent to sit in the corner for five minutes. However, before that five minutes was even over, the bluenette decided that it was really, _really_ hot in the room and started stripping, causing Hidan to start drooling and forget about her punishment completely, causing Amethystte to castrate him for the millionth time for thinking dirty things about her best friend.

At the end of the day, all four of them apologized multiple times to the reader for the ending being so suckish, since the authoress was too tired to do it herself, seeing as she didn't sleep at all last night and was tired as hell.

**Yeah. That sucked. I know it did. It wasn't even funny in any way at all. I'm going to go take a nap now… please review, even if it is just to tell me how awful it was. Thanks. But please be gentle, it's Valentine's Day and my heart's broken enough. TT~TT**


End file.
